It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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