fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's rum buckets o'clock
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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