I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
