Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
