Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
