Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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