i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I touched a dick in church today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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