Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
