Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
