watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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