Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
