Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
