he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My bed smells like the plague
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
