Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
