there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
