The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
