I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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