Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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