"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
