hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm passing your future prison.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
