Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
