When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
