i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
