Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
