oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize