??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i drank out of a bidet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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