Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
