i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
