I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
