No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need moral support for this bender
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
