As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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