I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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