I think i peed on brittanys purse
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize