its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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