Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
