I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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