My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
