I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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