but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
