im so drunk with asians
where?
always
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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