When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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