if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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