You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
