I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
