Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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