went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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