She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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