Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
