Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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