just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
