call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize