I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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