The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
