I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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