he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
