if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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