WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Barsexuality is the new black.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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