i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
