I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
