I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That accounts for only three of the penises
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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