Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
