if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
