she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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