No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
